Er... He's my Uncle's, Father's, Twin's, Aunt's, Cousin thrice removed xD

You never know who could be working, or lurking, in the shadows of Brookwood Gardens. It could be a relative, a friend, or even a chinchilla.

In case you missed it, here's the stupid dive coaster again.





Toxic Tower is one of the park's newest roller coasters, and was designed specifically to fit into a small space because the park essentially ran out of open land on which to build roller coasters. This is why, even though it's the second fastest coaster in the park, it looks like it was shipped in a box from China with some assembly required. It was actually assembled onsite by B&M--two unemployed guys from Tulsa named Bob & Marvin--and tested for the very first time with riders in the cars. The tests were successful and no injuries were sustained.





While most dive coasters have only one vertical drop, Toxic Tower pushes the coaster type to new limits with four. Brookwood Management didn't feel that four 90-degree drops were enough to attract the interest of today's roller coaster enthusiast, so they added one of the most interesting and exciting roller coaster elements in existence, a vertical loop. Advertising the loop proved to be the ace in the hole, as in its first week, the ridership exceeded one billion. The revenue from the tickets was spent on corn dogs for the staff and turned from a profit to a loss by the end of the month.





Despite the fact that the fictional setting for this ride is a cyanide factory, many guests have questioned the authenticity of the toxicity of the coaster and have veered off the path to lick the track. However, Brookwood Gardens believes in authenticity whenever possible, so they mix cyanide into the paint. Most of the naysayers who don't believe that the ride is as toxic as they say it is don't find out how wrong they are until it's too late. Then there's the occasional connoisseur, who is well aware of the cyanide content of the paint but doesn't believe the poison will live up to their standards. Often, management will hear "Simply dreadful" or "No, this won't do" before they see a guest faceplant two feet from the track. These facts are the reason why this coaster is often considered the deadliest in the park, despite a complete lack of onride fatalities disregarding riders who jump out of the tower to try to beat the train.





Despite the many lawsuits that arise, guests and management find the lethality of the ride appropriate. It is Toxic Tower, after all.



Download Toxic Tower

^ Dat ain't no stupid Dive Machine!

I don't know what I liked more about that, the Bob and Marvin or the fact that people lick the track and die

Why is it colored after The Joker? is this a clone of The Joker going into Six Flags Hyian?

@Chris, this coaster makes terrible decisions and consistently scores in the bottom percentile in every intelligence test administered to the 12 coasters. Even the family woodie scores higher.

@nave, the next coaster scheduled for release is not a B&M, but an H&M.

@Pineracer, you've stumbled upon a very subtle reference. Think of how The Joker acquired his signature appearance.

No new coasters will be released for the remainder of this month, so the standard updates will continue to continue.

The Western Tram Lines would not function as an amusement park ride with just one station, and management realized after the ride had operated for only three months, so they built the second station in a region known as quasi-Egypt, which looks almost Egyptian enough to possibly be affiliated with Egypt but not quite enough like Egypt to be labeled as Egyptian. The only part of the park that's officially recognized as Egyptian is the ride that runs red American pickup trucks around a large, empty building built by a guy named Steve that has a 10,000-volt electric fence around it.



Upon exiting or before entering this station, one will see a pool on each side of the building. This is because the station suffers from OCD and demanded perfect symmetry within certain proximity. The pools are used for employee swimming lessons, which are mandatory for all employees since thousands of people drown in this park annually. Before the swimming lessons were mandatory, the numbers were in the tens of thousands, so the Brookwood executives like to think they're making a difference by reducing the numbers just enough to make it look like they're making a difference. Occasionally, a guest will hop the fence, jump into the pool, and drown during an employee swimming lesson. When Brookwood Gardens passed the mandatory swimming lesson rule, the only employees they could afford to have teach the courses were existing employees who had never been in a pool, so they were given books about swimming and told to memorize whatever they could. As a result, these employees know how to swim, but they can't physically swim, so it's up to the student to save any guest who cannonballs into the water and doesn't come back up. The guests who survive are the lucky ones who dive in close to the end of an employee's training, while the unlucky ones fly in during the beginner phase. All swimmers in training are given kickboards, but unfortunately they interpret the name literally and use them to kick the drowning guests, which they think is correct. This is why eighteen percent of all guests who drown in Brookwood Gardens annually drown in one or both of these pools even though the water is only two and a half feet deep.

Across the path, guests are greeted with traditional Egyptian items: life-sized plastic dinosaurs, which can also be seen from the trams. On that same path, on each side of the small bridge, two horsemen statues can be seen. These were built to symbolize the olden days when, before the trams were built, men rode horses on the tracks.



Wagon Wheel, a Ferris wheel, is just a hop, skip, and a topple from the tram station. The Wild West makes up the entire southernmost portion of the park, and this portion is the furthest west, though not quite as far west as the Middle East. This chunk of the Wild West is known as the Rocky Mountains, which also includes a wooden roller coaster, a river rapids ride, and a pirate-themed log ride for some reason.



Wagon Wheel opened in 1976, and people actually noticed in the following year. Ridership was not only low, but the existence of the ride actually decreased attendance significantly because people believed that, after seeing pictures of a giant wagon wheel, they were convinced there was a giant wagon somewhere waiting for the right time to run everybody over. This consternation cost Brookwood Gardens so much in revenue that they finally built a giant wagon with three wheels just outside the park and explained to guests that it had crashed many years ago and was no longer a threat to the general population. This reassurance brought the attendance level to a record high in 1978 since it also brought in guests who had suspected a giant wagon was on the loose years before the construction of Wagon Wheel began.

This Ferris wheel is one of the safest rides in the park, having only killed guests on one occasion when the wheel detached from the support towers and rolled around the park. Out of the 137 guests flattened, only nineteen were flattened to death. Following the incident, engineers improved the strength of the connection, and since then, the wheel hasn't strayed away from home. Occasionally it refuses to rotate due to the 27 tons of scotch tape on each end of the axle, so guests will sometimes remain marooned at the top of the wheel for several weeks at a time, but none have ever starved to death due to the amount of food thrown in Brookwood Gardens on a daily basis.

I don't even know where to BEGIN with this.... omg, this is freakin' perfect!

Teacher: What have we learned today class?
Student1: People who visit Brookwood Gardens are idiots?
Student2: People who don't know how to swim read books about it?
Student3: People like licking roller coaster tracks here?
*after a brief pause and look of shock from the teacher*
Teacher: Perhaps the principal was right and you're not ready to take class trips here, clearly everything that happens here is normal and you simply haven't experienced the real world yet. Now everyone it's time to leave, single file to the bus!

The class trip only suffered nine casualties, one from Sugar Rush while a student attempted to lick freshly-laid sugar and was hit by an oncoming bobsled, one who tried to swim in the training pool, five who ditched the class to lick Toxic Tower's track, and two more who jumped at the go-karts. At the end of the day the school started a fundraiser to pay back the park for its amazing levels of safety and to show their gratitude for providing a life-changing day.

You forget the students that were kicked by employee's kickboards while drowning!

All what the park needs now is a PAINFUL SLC